


The Ghost of You

by ForeverAndAlways



Series: Goodbye Internet [4]
Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 14:59:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4105129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverAndAlways/pseuds/ForeverAndAlways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trigger warning: suicide and suicidal thoughts. Phil can't live on without Dan anymore. Some afterlife things.Read and you wont be disappointed I promise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ghost of You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [insanityplays (xrosepetalsx)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=insanityplays+%28xrosepetalsx%29).



> to the wonderful insanityplays (xrosepetalsx) who is my honorary big sister. It's your fault I made this...

**once upon a time**

**I used to romanticize**

**used to be somebody never mind**

**I don't miss it that much now**

**I think its sinking in**

**days I wonder where I've been**

**in picture perfect porcelain**

**but I won't lose a pound**

It hurt too much. I couldn't do it. I knew he wanted me to live on but I couldn't do it.

 

So I went out and bought some generic brand sleeping tablets and vodka. It wasn't hard to swallow them. It wasn't hard drinking the strong liquor until I was ind a drunken haze. the only hard part was counting down the minutes til I would be with him. I had fallen into a very bad habit in his absence. I couldn't stomach the thought of eating anything when he was unable to enjoy the foods we loved so much even in his last few months. 

So I didn't. I didn't eat anything unless they force fed me. They all tried to make me eat at first. but they disappeared. They thought I wasn't worth the time if I was just going to shut them out and refuse to do anything no matter what they did.

 

It took a little bit under 1 hour for the sleeping pills to take affect. Maybe it was the alcohol that took affect first though...

People who have been revived describe death as painful. My death was far from that. It was quick and beautiful. It wasn't supposed to be a statement. or a cry for help. Or a plea. It was meant to carry me to him. To free me of the chains that confined me and my soul to earth.

...

Death was a bit strange. You don't go to heaven. You don't go to hell. You don't go to purgatory. I kind of just...floated out of my body. I saw myself laying there at the table, With my pathetic excuse of a suicide note being soiled from my dribble. I was standing there like the ghost I was when I felt a sort of warm presence nearby.

 

I turned my eyes and saw the beautiful ghost embodiment of the love of my life. 

"Dan," I gasped.

 

"You shouldn't have done that" Dan nodded towards my dead body that had now shifted to the ground.

 

"I need you though" I was sounding needy but I didn't care.

 

"NO YOU DON'T. YOU CAN'T SERIOUSLY BE JUSTIFYING FUCKING  _KILLING YOURSELF_ BY SAYING YOU NEED ME" He shouted.

 

"B-but Dan--" I stuttered.

 

"DON'T YOU DARE. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU'RE HURTING BY DOING THIS? I couldn't control my death but you could control yours. Imagine your mum's face when she hears that you  _fucking killed yourself"_ He seemed very upset that I couldn't bear life without him.

 

Suddenly as if he forced a vision on me, I saw the sorrow in my mother's eyes as some insensitive police officer explained that I killed myself. She started sobbing into my father's chest while he stood there pale faced with an expression I could only explain as disappointment.

 

"I did this for you" I whispered at him,

 

"You shouldn't have" He walked through me making my aura disintegrate.

... 

I was suddenly awoken by a bright light which didn't make sense. I had killed myself...Right?

 

I felt someone holding me from behind. That didn't make sense either. I hadn't had anyone over since Dan. I turned to see the face of a man I had accepted as a ghost. He had died.This didnt make any sense.

Dan had hair now too. I had no Idea what was going on. He was smiling in his sleep. Ghosts couldn't dream right? 

Maybe it was just a sick twisted prank and someone had dug up Dan's body and put him next to me. But that didn't explain how I was alive,

"Dan?" I asked.

 

"Yeah." He said without opening his eyes.

 

"Nothing love, go back to sleep." So much for the twisted prank theory.

 I looked at my phone to check the date.  _January 2nd 2014_. A year before anything had happened. Maybe there was a chance we could catch the cancer early enough. Maybe he could live.

I looked over to the bedside table and saw a black note card.

On the card in red cursive text was written this:

**_Another chance._ **

**Author's Note:**

> sorry? I hope y'all aren't mad at me...Tell me what you think in the comments and leave kudos please!


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